Hold on to hope

This week has been about holding on to hope.

I have a job interview for a thing which is very different to things I’ve done before but it’s worth a punt. Much of this week has been occupied by preparations for this.

Small person has been waking up more and more in the night. Separation anxiety is huge. I thought we’d reached a peak at three times in the night. The day that followed involved me forgetting to go to a meeting with our clinical psychologist because I was so tired and am human. 

I felt like I was awful that day; like I was putting my own need for rest above small person’s need for support. Except I wasn’t. I was just exhausted. 

The following night small person was awake four times and I had begun to think that perhaps sleep really is for the weak. But in the day that followed I had lunch and a pep talk with a lovely friend and then met with our post adoption support worker for the first time. 

I had been so worried about this meeting because assessment is great but I’ve already agreed outcomes with other professionals. But the worker understood. Understood how hard I work to parent through PACE. Understood that I need to be small person’s mummy not their therapist. Understood that the aim is for small person to feel safe and able to enjoy their childhood as much as they can. 

Hope. I feel there might be hope. That’s a good way to start the half term holiday. 

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