Today has actually been a good day.
Small person went off on their new transport arrangement happily and significantly earlier than previously. I sat on the sofa a bit unsure what to do, so in the end I went for a bath. Haven’t had time for one of those for a while. Then I had quite a big cry. I’m still unsure what that was about but sometimes it’s better to just accept that it needs to come out and embrace that rather than question it.
Today I went for lunch with Nana and lovely friends of long standing who told me they were with me every night and one of the number made me carbs to eat after bedtime which was so very kind.
The reality of trying to be resilient in the face of trauma is that every day you have to find ways to care for yourself and wherever possible you need people to help you. Holding yourself up alone is so hard, then when trauma really kicks in it becomes darned near impossible.
Resilience requires you to make that a priority. I struggle with the asking for help because I’d much rather help everyone else. I struggle with the idea that having a long bath and shouting at a podcast (so much shouting, I was a rage filled feminist- just ask Nana) while painting my nails are actually valid uses of a week day. I know however how much these things help. So I do prioritise them. Resilience matters.
Small person has come home tonight calm but demanding. I’ve managed the demands, made sure to show small person I am happy to see them and somehow got them to sleep by 8pm.
Small person shows such great resilience simply in getting up every day and making sure their needs are met. If I’m to meet those needs effectively I have to do the same.