Anger indicators

All behaviour is communication and right now some of small person’s behaviour is indicating that they are very angry indeed. Biting is back. What I’m learning about biting as a communicative behaviour for small person is that it indicates anger. Not necessarily anger which is reactive to immediate situations but rather anger that has arisen…

Excavation

This week small person has disclosed quite a high level of detail about some events that happened before they came home. I think the memories had been rising for a while. That morning small person had refused to go to school until just before their school transport had arrived. Then when the transport did arrive…

The long game

So much of parenting a child who has experienced trauma is playing the long game. Now for later. There are things that I’m doing in my parenting of small person now that won’t pay dividends straight away. Some of them may pay dividends in a month; some in a year; some might pay off in…

What do you actually need?

The clue is in the title. The above question is what I should have been asked in my discussions with post adoption support this week. It wasn’t asked. Instead concerns were raised about the ‘sustainability’ of what I am managing and about how ‘safe’ small person feels. There was much talk of ‘strategies’ being offered…

It’s my birthday and I’ll have low expectations if I want to.

Last year we didn’t celebrate my birthday at all because small person had a PTSD incident. I seriously considered just never celebrating my birthday because I didn’t know what Mummy plus birthday equalled for small person. But then I remembered that I cannot show small person that it is safe without actually having a birthday….

The invoice: A story of ‘now for later’

Tonight small person has fixed something in our house. Properly fixed it. So I helped them to write me an invoice for the work they had done and they signed their name (which is very rare at home). In return for the invoice I gave them money in an envelope for their wages. I asked…

Slow and steady

In the midst of the challenges today we had a great moment. Small person’s teacher wrote in their book that today they had matched the words ‘pig’ ‘cat’ and ‘dog’ to pictures and they had talked about the initial sounds. Their teacher said to them “wow you’re reading” and small person replied “yeah I am”….

Family Days

Social media reminded me that today is the first of this year’s family days. Days which are significant in the building of our family. Two years ago it was agreed that small person and I were a good match and the green light was given for the planning of our introductions. One of small person’s…

Talismans

Small person is wearing five plasters on their fingers every day. We have to put them on every morning before school. We cannot miss putting them on. We have before and small person has turned white at the realisation so we’ve immediately put them on. Each plaster is on a finger which has had a…

At odds

I wish that small person and I weren’t so at odds right now. I don’t even mean that we are at odds ourselves, though the four attempts to get breakfast right and not thrown across the room this morning may suggest otherwise. I mean rather that our strategies which help us feel better and calm…

It’s a little fit bunny this feeling inside

The title of this post is a bit of an inside joke between Nana and I. It refers to the Elton John lyrics which Nana sings incorrectly. It always makes me laugh and when I decided to write a post about how I’m feeling it was what I immediately sang in my head. So how…

Good Arrows (and I don’t mean the album by Tunng)

Today in therapy small person made this painting using a play dough cutter that they used as a stencil. The forward arrows on the bottom row were done first. I think it’s fascinating that most of the forward arrows are one colour and a lot of paint was poured into the stencil. The backward arrows…